I hate handsfree kits, or rather I hate the people that use them.
Even though they’ve been around for probably ten years now there is still no way in the wealth of human experience to get used to the fact that someone might be walking towards you, talking at you, even looking right at you, but not be talking to you.
And those bloody bluetooth ear things, no one is that important that they need their phone strapped to their ear at all times. In fact, people that important pay people to answer their calls for them.
Anyway, I hate them.
Then I got an iPhone.
I’ve never had a phone that I play music on before, normally using the old fashioned phone and ipod, or even more old fashioned walkman and phonebox.
But now I can be listening to some music and it’ll fade without warning. Then it will fade in a samba guitar strum. I find myself thinking, I don’t remember Queen’s Headlong having a samba guitar strum, then I realise that the ringtone I set when I first got it out of the choice of one and a half ringtones it gives you.
I can answer it by pressing a button that doesn’t look like a button and suddenly the world is in my ear. It’s easier than taking the phone out of the pocket, then pulling out the earphones then bringing the phone all the way to my ear.
So I start talking, I can hear them, they can hear me. All is good with world.
And then it dawns on me, I’m one of them. People are looking at me, am I talking to them, no, but yes I am, but no I’m not.
Ive taken to going mysteriously quiet on the phone whenever someone walks past me, fine for my awkwardness, but less so for whoever I’m having a conversation with.
The other day, on the phone to the mrs in such a manner I was getting on a train, happily walking up the Paddington platform chit chatting away, I boarded to see about twelve people on the carriage, all facing my direction. I stop talking, almost trying to whisper without moving my mouth, like I was in a bad film.
But Claire was just asking if I was ok, am I alright, etc, etc. Possibly thinking I’d failed to mind the gap or had fallen over.
As I sat down in my seat I ripped out the earphones and told her I was fine, but very nearly looked like a wanker, it was a close call.
so from now on, if you call me, expect a delay in me answering as I use my arms to lift the phone all the way to my ear…
Ahh, yes. Me too. I love it when you hang up and then the music kicks back in. It always makes me feel that life is very fine indeed. If being a hands free wanker is what that takes, then I’ll take it. It’s also very useful when you are pushing a pram, which I mostly am these days.