I started today by lying to a vets receptionist. I’d taken my cat , Buddy, in to see them the other week and was supposed to go back for a check up last week.
But I’d lost the door to his cage/carrier thing and couldn’t remember the number of the vets and well the cats cold had gotten better anyway. So I just didn’t show up.
But his cold wasn’t better, it was just hiding a bit and the kitty-AIDS in him meant it was lurking, so now he’s ill again, the cold is back and he’s been sneezing and snotting everywhere, which looks equally cute, gross and depressing.
I rang the vets to make an appointment and before i’d even said the cats name (or my name for that matter), I’d only said what was wrong with him and the woman said i’d missed an appointment hadn’t I?
I wasn’t really prepared for this, so I lied. I told a lie.
I do this all the time, when i get cornered I lie to get out. This is mostly when I’m running late for a gig and I get an angry phone call. If I’m still miles away I know that the truth will upset the person on the phone, so I lie, I say I’ll be there in 20mins – for a short time (about 19mins) I have made that person happy by lying.
It never works.
So I said to the vets receptionist that I’d rung and left a message the night before (oldest trick in the book). She replied telling me they didn’t have an answering machine. I’d been rumbled.
Sheepishly, like a cat, I went in to the vets this afternoon. The receptionist woman couldn’t look me in the eye and I was served by someone else whilst Buddy expelled more snots.
I was seen to by someone else, this was annoying as I’d worked out the perfect cover story – I’d rung the wrong vets! – It was brilliant – I pretend I rang a different vets and left a message – I’d even looked up the next nearest vet.
But I didn’t get a chance to tell my worse lie.
The vet saw me, her notes said I was supposed to bring Buddy in for a checkup – like a murderer I blurted out my alibi and an unbelievable pace and sounding like a madman “IRANGTHEWRONGVETSTHERESONEDOWNTHEROADIMUSTHAVELEFTTHEMESSAGEONTHEIRMACHINENOTONYOURSCOSYOUDONTHAVEONE”
I’m beginning to wonder whether next time they’ll just take the cat off me.