I was one the tube today, something I am on less and less frequently these days and therefore find more bewildering with each trek.
Today’s journey was taking me to James Sherwoods neck of the woods to get a life to a gig. as ever I forgot that 5.30pm on the Northern Line is rush hour to all these non-comedians who don’t also work a night shift (like, how many of them are there?) I was too tired after the nightshift plus three and a half hours of sleep and didn’t have the energy to get my book out of bag, let alone read it. So I sat and gazed.
Then three people got on and within seconds I hated them more than I hate racists, and I hate racists a lot. One of them was a not unattractive woman, she was flanked by two men, the first and obvious alpha male of the trio was, in short, a cunt. I could tell this merely from his haircut., but I confirmation came in as soon as he started talking. He was some (probably working in media) slightly overweight but very self assurred, over-confident highly sexed cliche of a twat. He was larking about and being cheekycocky, bullying the other guy and doing what I think was flirting with the woman, but I think in but saying the kind of cheekycocky things that I think in Victorian times was a hangable offence.
At one point he patteed her belly asking when it was due, she went red and he cackled… there are three options as to what his was about a) he was insinuating she was a bit fat b) she was pregnant and it was a secret c) his media lovesperm had gotten her up the duff and and then he used his media pounds to solicit a backroom abortion, but because he is so cheekycocky he decides to make a joke about it.
But it was his underling friend that took most of my attention, he was fascinating. I don\’t really juudge myself as a shallow person and try to to see others on a purely superfical level, but Jesus H Christ this man was ugly, a small podgy pig of a human, obvious why the other man hung around with him.
I know this is a bit harsh, but I’m writing about this because he obviously too worked in a media capacity with the same access to the hairdressers and clothing boutiques as the other man. And it was this pretence of style plus money that only served to eccentuate his ugliness. He had a weird crease in his chin that his emmaculate stubble was growing in, his greasy pig hair looked like it had been set and curled.
I think I am grumpy