I was in Newbury today for the Newbury Comedy Festival, apt place to hold it, what a kwinky dink. I got the train to Newbury station (good name for it) and found the main venue and asked them for directions to where my tiny gig was. I had printed a map off of the ever mightier google, but it hadn’t printed anything helpful like street names or anything.
The lady looked at me and siad “are you walking” I said yes, and she gave me that universal lok that means Gosh aren’t you the fool, it’s along way away”.
I asked for directions anyway, she told me, I made doubly sure that I paid atention cos I know how crap I am at taking in directions and also asking for them in street. But all I could remember was something about a roundabout, a tescos and a road.
I walked in the direction she pointed and hoped.
I found a roundabout, as is their wont there was several exits, none of them were marked Tesco’s or Terry’s gig. So I guessed.
After a few minutes I was crossing a river, I checked the map with no names and could see a river, it was in totally the wrong direction.
I walked back to the roundabout and guessed again. I walked and walked
And walked
I was starting to get scared. I was now walking along a dual carriageway, and my phone was out of battery, the map seemed to imply that I should be going this way, but the map didn’t look as though I should be going this far.
The non existant path disappeared into some trees, and I followed down an alleyway that I felt would be very suitible for muggings and rapes, especially when I was walking back in the dark. I wasn’t look forward to this gig.
Then I saw a Tesco’s and was relieved, I had done well, even though I now had no idea which way to go. I asked inside, and got three different answers.
I wandered over a field and then saw the gig. I’d never been happier. And I was on time.
I did the gig, it went well.
In the show I mention watership down, afterwards a man told me that it was set in Newbury, and the road I had walked down was the one the rabbits tried to cross with the hrudududers
And the college next to the gig was the building that was built that sent them all away.
I was happy… and got a lift back to the station