Hello.
Yes.
I’m back.
Been out in Camden tonight, first night of just a few pints in a pub for ages. These days I tend to find that nights out in my mid twenties have to result in a club otherwise I feel too old… but tonight (thanks mainly to money) the night ended by one(ish) and I was on my way home.
To the diligent notblog faithful who won’t know that I know work in a job that has the ungodly (and uncomedy) hours of 12-8 so finishing in a pub at one feels to my poor mind like ten pm.
But still, was ok to not feel like I have to get sillily wasted.
I waited for a fucking age to get the bus back, but eventually it turned up. The queue was jumped, I’m ashamed to say, by a squinty face young looking man. Obviously jumping a queue of two on an empty bus is no crime. But this guy looked like a cunt. The kind of person that genetically I fucking hate. Eyes set far back in his face, nose and mouth squidged up to accommodate the lack of frontal eyes. I clocked him and his upper class looks and then immediately dismissed him
Only one stop after this a gaggle of people got on, four of these were women carrying another, drunker, woman. They, like setting custard, spilled into the available seats, the drunken one looking at the squinty eyed cunt boy – and in her drunkenness talking to him. I’m not saying I was jealous, but me in my hat and slight beard should really be far more interesting, I am a comedian after all.
But no, she was talking to him, and therefore, in humouring her, everyone else was too.
He was wondering where the girls were going. They were heading towards Old Street, ooh, he lived in Old Street, that was where he was going. To his flat…in Old Street…. Woop-de-fucking-do
I LIVE IN ANGEL – ANGEL – THAT’S ON CHUFFING MONOPOLY YOU CUNTING BEADY EYED GITCUNT
I said nothing,
Give someone enough rope and they’ll hang themselves, or so they say. He finally let it slip that he was19.
19… fuck off.
I was in no competition for the girls, but wanted to at least be offered the attention so that I could laughingly refuse.
And now that Old Street Squinty Boy had revealed he was only 19, I presumed that soon after I would be the colest person on the bus.
Then the worst thing became apparent
The girls
were
…
16
A whole fucking decade younger than me
D-E-C-A-D-E
Oh fuck.
And so I humbly realise that I am being ignored because I am old and they can smell it with their youthful senses.
As it happened the girls got off at the same stop as me, leaving the squintycuntcunt to go home and wank into his daddypaidfor bachelor Old Street pad – but the worst thing was, he was so fucking cocky with them for a 19 year old. At 19, or even now, I can’t be that cocky.
The girls, now off the bus were trying to hold their friend up, part of me felt that I should help, but this was overridden by the part of me that felt like a paedophile.
The irony has not left me that I am writing this watching Herr Flick dissect a body on Channel 4.
But on the plus side, the NotBlog is back – hello again, did you miss me?