My renewed childhood obsession with Formula One takes a break from today as it is the last Grand Prix of the season in China. This means either waking up at 6am to watch it live. Or getting up at a normal time and aoviding all news to watch it on the 2pm replay. Or, to do what I did, and get up at 1pm, thereby having to avoid news avoidance.
First thing I did when I got out of bed was to jump in the shower, quite literally. Once clean I had to race (like in Formula One) to Sainsbury’s to get mty breakfast. The reason for the racing was that it was imperitve to get back for 2pm so I could watch the hour of pointless waffle and faff and adverts that they insist on before the race.
In Sainsbury’s I had my mental list, milk, sugar and museli, nothing more and certainly nothing less. Milk and sugar were located easily, but the museli. Oh Sainsbury’s with your fucking museli. The fruit and nut one that I desired and have consumed in the past was just a toothless cavity on the shelf of healthy cereals. There are two reasons I wanted this particular type. One, it was nice, and two it’s only 99p. The stuff without nuts is £1.99.
Less stuff for more money? MADNESS SAINSBURY’S, no wonder you’re losing market share to Tescos, they have an efficient pricing structure.
All of the other museli’s just seemed to expensive and I had to concede osme kind of defeat to whomever had come here in the early hours of the morning and bought all the fruit and nut museli. I could imagine them there in their huge museli depository, swimming in it, like Scrooge McDuck in his money.
But you can drown in museli. I hope he chokes…and drowns.
I had to now make the horrible cereal decision. My body coudln’t decide what it wanted, my childhood wonder wanted things with free toys, my mouth wanted chocolate and my bowels were telling me I should get some bran.
I instead plumped for some Crunchy Nut Cornflakes… only the Sainsbury’s own brand as they are cheap. After battling self service queu jumpers I was home with a bowl of cereal, a cup of tea and Jim Rosenthal on the telly.
The Grand Prix started off pretty dull, in fact very dull, and I wondered the intelligence in sitting through the replay of a boring race, all I had to do was turn over, see if anything good happened, if not I could do something productive. But if something good was to happen I didn’t want to ruin it.
They do taste too good, so I bastardised the Kellogs slogan and had some more of my Sainsbury’s cereal. I felt quite sick then… but at least the race got good…a bit.