I just haven’t stopped eating today.
I woke up this morning and had a bowl of muesli that I did buy yesterday. Then about an hour later I attempted the meal I should never attempt.
The boiled egg, every time since living in London that I have attempted a boiled egg it had gone horribly horribly wrong.
I always, without expectation, always cook it either too much or not enough. Leaving me with hard-boiled picnic food, or more often than not, transparent yolky salmonella.
But with another loaf of fresh (baked yesterday) bread waiting to be soldiers I had a good feeling about giving them their draft papers, this wouldn’t be a wasted trench warfare with no advancement, this egg would be no Vietnam, this would be a proper war of (I can’t think of a justified one either, oh hang on…) This is Churchill against the Nazi Eggdom.
(I’m not sure what’s happening here either.)
So I did it, and it was stressful, I boiled the kettle and put the water in the saucepan, then popped the egg in and set my mobile phone stopwatch thingy.
I knew that my eggtiming vagueness was often usually my downfall. So today was going to be three minutes on the dot. Maybe a bit more, it was a large egg.
By the time one minute had elapsed I noticed, with dread, that water was not yet boiling. Oh fuck. Now what do I do, I left it, the water did not boil until the two minute marker. But the egg had been in just boiled water all this time, so could I just restart the three mins now? I figured as it is quite a big egg if I give it another three mins at least I won’t get salmonella.
It must have been the French Resistance working from within as when I eventually (after five mins in the pan) cracked open the egg it was perfect. And I ruthlessly killed several soldiers.
I followed this meal with another bowl of muesli about an hour later.
Then in the afternoon I had a HUGE pasta thingy, and seconds that I was going to leave for work.
Then a sandwich…
I can’t stop eating, I feel so horribly full, but I want more more more.
Especially as most weekdays I don’t actually eat until I get back from work, my body is right now equally loving me (not in that way) for the fuel, and hating me for the impending shits…