Happy Anniversary.
Four years ago TO. THE. DAY
Not just of thousands of people dying in horrible fiery deaths in New York, but the day that I moved to London.
Admittedly it was a fairly odd day to be bringing suitcases of stuff into the capital, whilst everywhere was evacuated, and me, not having read or heard any news wondering why everyone seemed so sad and scared, I’d heard that London was moody, but everyone looked like they wanted a hug. Though in hindsight I’m glad that me, a man with a beard and a suitcase, didn’t go up and hug a stranger on that day.
Four years on, some people told me I wouldn’t last a year, but I have, and I’ve done ok for myself I think, two Edinburgh shows, a (burgeoning hopefully) stand up career and three girlfriends (not at once).
It is with a bitter sick slice of fate then that I spend this anniversary, not with Ken Livingstone at a special Mayoral lunch (where I’d get a pen and everything). But actually the skintest I’ve ever been, with mild agrophobia, unable to leave the flat, literally 30p in my pocket, no milk or tea and crippling depression.
I want a roast dinner, but all I have is four potatoes, and all I’ve eaten all week is potatoes. I can eat any more potatoes, I might die.
But if I don’t then I’ll starve and I might die.
I check everywhere, and in the freezer I find a bag of mixed veg. Maybe, just maybe, I can make a roast dinner out of this.
I re-check everywhere.
I have some gravy.
Fuck me, vegetables, potatoes and gravy. That’s nearly a roast dinner.
The potatoes aren’t big enough for roasting, so I think I’ll mash them. So I peel and boil.
I sit down to eat my semi Roast dinner, but as was pointed out to me, a roast dinner implies that something has been roasted. So actually I sat down to a Mashed and Boiled dinner, with gravy. So mashed, boiled and Sitrred.
At nine pm I found a teabag behind the kettle.
At ten past nine I found 50p down the sofa. I manage to leave the flat and go to the shop to buy some milk and shit biscuits.
Suddenly things were getting better.
Still feeling shitty, but a day of downloading new and exciting music and listening to some lovely mellow songs has lifted my mood slightly, only slightly.