A while ago I was perhaps one of the first in London, perhaps the world to discover the joys of the Camden Town Sainsbury’s self service self scan checkout thingo. It was probably my pioneering testing of this and people seeing me and my nectar card so easily negating the use of a checkout assistant that gave Sainsbury’s the confidence to extend these out to other stores. If not other stores then at least Islington, now being my nearest to my flat.
Today all I wanted were spring onions, Tuna bread and cheese… nothing more, nothing less. On the way home from work I headed into Sainsbury’s it was a nightmare mass throng of busy busy people.
Now, I get stressed pretty easily in Supermarkets, I either have fun looking at all the products or I get stressed and genuinely panic about all of the choice and people. Today was a stresser. But I know what I wanted. Cheese from the deli, Hovis extra thick bread and spring onions…how could it be tricky?
Well, I was thrown by the spring onions. I found them almost too quickly, they were right where I thought they were…this could be easy. But they seemed, well, wrong. In fact … the end rooty bit was growing… not in front of my eyes, that would be weird. But it was like all of them were too old, and all had roots growing out of the little white bit at the end. I guess this is ok, but I thought it was a little odd.
I went to the organic section, to check whether this was some GM crop mutation/…. but they had it too…Maybe all spring onions always had this and I hadn’t noticed. So I picked up a bunch and went on my way.
The rest of the shop was fairly untraumatic, except for the bit where I decided not to get biscuit due to their unhealthiness, but then doubled back to the biscuit aisle for the hell of it, cheating myself and lying to myself too…only to discover that the biscuits I was after weren’t there.
I made it to the incredibly busy checkout, I queued at the self service bit. Unfortunately this isn’t always as quick as it should be because some of these people don’t have as much experience as me and so fuck things up… one guy had to ASK how to put in a banana. hahaha, the fool.
I had my nectar card out ready and my ten pound note. I was going to be so efficient. the till was free. up I go.
I was thrown my two things. One, for the new chip and pin doo daa, they’ve changed where the nectar card goes. I was so flummoxed that I really couldn’t work it out… after a second or two I put it in my pocket. Bye bye points. The second thing was that the couple queuing behind me decided to move up and stand REALY FUCKING close to me, this is the second time this has happened and I don’t understand why. I understand if they want such an exalted expert such as myself to show them how its done… but a bit of space please, I’m feeling claustrophobic enough in here today.
It’s all starting to go wrong. I scan in my crisps but haven’t prepared the carrier bag, so I have to fumble around for it. I can see the couple out of the corner of my eye they are commenting on me. They have seen the nectar card disappear, and can also easily work out where it’s supposed to go. The crisps go in “UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA†Nooooo. I scan the next pack. But they won’t because they think the first pack is illegal. I have to face the humiliation of having the man come over and reset it. I am now broken. It’s not self service if someone helps you. I dejectedly scan the rest of my stuff in, it comes to six pounds.
In goes the tenner, it won’t accept, I have no more money on me or a card. The man has to come and help again, I had it the wrong way.
I walk away from Sainsbury’s 12 nectar points worse off, and as I look round I see the couple step up to the till, their eyes and nectar cards still so full of the naïve hopes of youthful exuberance. I hope their pasta doesn’t fucking scan.