Tonight I have been at my most feminine and masculine all at the same time.
Firstly, in preperation for a hard five day slog around Glastonbury, I have been fixing my bag, it has several holes at tears (in fact, it looks as though a werewolf has been at it) so I have been sweing in differnet coloured patches. How very gay of me.
Sewing is time consuming and hard work, I’ll never watch the girls on Coronation Street in the same light again, although to be honest, I have watched it since I was nine and have no intention of wathcing it again anyway, but still, you get my point.
Also in preparation for Glastonbury I have been keeping fit (it is because I am scared that a five day binge in the countryside will take more out of my unhealthy body than I’d like and NOT because I want to attract girls with my manly physique)
Apparently, throughout all of my previous failed keeping fit attempts there have been a lovely set of dumbells in the flat. Proper ones where you screw on the weights and everything.
I have been doing 100 arm lift things with a 5kg one (or to use it’s technical term, fucking heavy) on each arm for the last two nights. Soon I will be able to pull cars (though my first aim is women) and lots of other lifts and stretches too.
Only this time I am not going to be disillusioned by the fact it will only last a couple of weeks, I am now used to this pattern and my crapness.
What has always happened, without fail, is that I do two weeks of keeping fit and eating healthily. The third week I tend to be crap, not do any exercise and eat cake smothered in lard and whale blubber.
By the fourth week I feel very guilty, so guilty in fact that I think its pointless and don’t bother doing anything about it.
Then the week after I am back in fitness regime mode.
So, in four weeks I manage to do two weeks of good stuff. Therefore, my twisted logic dictates that if I overdo it in the two weeks and try to cram in four weeks worth of exercise then my average over the month is still good.
I am fully aware that the human body doesn’t work like this and I am more likely to damage myself. But I an evolved human begin, which gives me the option to ignore fact.