Single, hair cut to follow, as already mused, it’s about time I got rid of beard too in a bid to make me slightly less unattractive to the opposite sex.
Tonight was the night, like saying goodbye to an old friend it was moving, I’ve had this beard since growing it at Edinburgh last year. We had a farewell drink, well, I drank and let the drink get stuck in the beard one last time, before wiping it away with my sleeve.
I am attractive.
The beard is a bit long, so I borrowed the use of my flatmates beard trimmer to, well, trim the beard. Only the battery ran out half way through, and I mean halfway through. Like a ruled line through my mouth, on the left long straggly beard, on the right a short trimmed stubble effect. But I had passed the point of no return.
I then discovered that I had no razors, I mean, why would I, I haven’t shaved 10 months, yet still I presumed they’d be there.
After a search of the flat I found a small pink ladies disposable razor. It was one of Lis’ how ironic that .
It was not a good razor, and as I began to shave it pulled hairs out of the skin and blunted after covering 0.1 sq inches of cheek. But I had no choice but to carry on.
It sounds odd, but I’d forgotten how to shave, I don’t remember the contours of my face, and I cut it, a lot. The blunt razor meant that I had to go over the same bit of skin time and time again to get rid of the hair. This made the skin red raw and burning. Oh how I longed for my beard back.
By the time I got to the long hair it was a joke, I had to walk around the flat semi naked and semi bearded to try and find something to get rid of some of the hair. The kitchen scissors, naturally, were blunt as hell (there’s no subtly with Lucifer) so I had to use the small pink razor to hack away at my beard, and ultimately my face.
Eventually I was done, I had the chin of a twelve year old, covered in blood and itchy as anything. I want my beard back.
But only time can bring it back, and it will take a few days to get used to the fact that I have a mouth. So I sat down and had a celebratory welcome drink to my new chin.
Now this is disgusting, but I hadn’t realised quite how much drink I’d let my beard catch, only to be wiped away by my arm a second later…For when I drank my tea most of it sailed down the smooth cliff face of chin and into my lap.
So now a more attractive clean shaven Terry, but with a large damp patch near my groin.
Come on girls.