So it was finally time for the hair appointment.
I could take it, I’m a man.
I turned up at the salon at precisely 13:27. they tell me I’m a little early for my appointment, do I want to take a seat or go for a bit of a walk. Not liking being stared at (hence my choice to do stand up comedy) I decide to go for a walk.
It is upon leaving that I look at the time to see it is now 13:28. I wasn’t really that early, but now I have to walk for at least three minutes, otherwise I’ll just look stupid. But of course that will make me late.
Is late still cool? I forget.
I wander around and get back a few minutes after half one, there are now lots of people there and the oh so cool receptionist gives me an evil look, cursing me for being late. How was I to know?
Anyway, I am sat in a chair and watch the guy (who is apparently in charge of all of Vidal Sassoon’s training places, he has a shaved head, this s an ominous start). He is asking everyone what they would like to have done. Again everyone (all girls, I am the only boy) wants a trim. He gets to me I tell him I want something funky and whacky, but I do work in an office, so actually not that funky or whacky at all.
The colour lady (not racist, she is the lady that deals with the colouring) comes over and asks me what I want. I try to convey what the skin test guy told me, blue and bleached and charcoal etc, she warms to the idea and decides to colour three panels at the front of my hair. Nice.
She doesn’t ask for my skin test proof.
My hair is to be cut by a tiny Korean girl, and I mean tiny, about 4ft something tall. In a chair sat down I am still taller than her and have to slouch down further even with the chair in its lowest setting. It is not comfortable.
Bald guy talks her through what’s to be done to my hair, lots of disjointed areas and panels and other tech speak…even hairdressers have jargon.
She starts to cut, after a while he comes across, tells her she’s doing it wrong, the angle should be more…I thought this was the advanced school? He had to teach her how to hold the scissors, I got the feeling that I too would have a bald head soon.
The cut takes literally hours, each section being cut, then checked, then cut again, then checked.
Then there is the dying., lots of foil on my head, I wonder if there is a fire alarm whilst the die is in place what happens. Stay to get it washed out oand risk firey death.? Or flee the building but ruin your hair…
I have to sit under a heating radiator thing fifteen minutes. It heats the dye to make tit better or something, but it seems to direct all of the heat towards the back of my head, and not to the dyed bit. Ah well.
Eventually at four thirty. It is done. And I must say it’s a very impressive haircut. Except the bald guy did the thing that hairdressers do, instead of putting wax in my hair he put in some kind of barrier cream (normally used for nappy rash) to make it seem more natural.
It seems that his world ends at the salon, only half an hour later the hair just looked silly and fluffy. And I was out for the whole night, every time I wet my hair it would become a oily greasy mass.
So Vidal Sassoon, good hair cuts, not so good for nappy rash.