Right, I have been half heartedly trying to get into some kind of shape for the last few months, from the eating fruit to the going swimming twice.
I have failed abysmally.
The problem is that I am now single, and part of being single is looking good to attract a mate (I’m paraphrasing from a David Attenborough documentary)
So I’m starting again. Annoyingly, all I can think of is that if I had been swimming three times a week and eating lots of fruit constantly since I started on this whim a few months ago I would be in great shape and not having this panic.
But, as we all know, I am an idiot.
A problem right now is that I am (as ever) woefully skint and can’t really afford to pay for swimming or going to the gym. So I have devised the new Terry Saunders fitness regime.
I shall call it the “Terry Saunders Fitness Regimeâ€.
It involves this….
In the morning I have a banana for breakfast.
At work I stretch and do stomach tensing things at my desk when no one is looking (as whenever I do a stomach crunch thing in a chair I look as though I am being sick…I often follow this by being sick).
All day I run up stairs and walk briskly everywhere.
At lunch I eat two bananas and an apple.
When I get home I do sit ups and press ups until it hurts.
Then I eat a healthy jacket potato and salad combination (no bread or wheat, and of course still no chocolate thanks to Jesus and his cuntish Glastonbury ways).
I shall do this forever.
I give it a week.