Jesus is still a cunt.
Yesterday sat in Soho Square he tried his biggest trick yet to get me to eat chocoloate and therefore refuse my entry into the golden gates of Glastonbury.
A Hare Krishna came up to us, pronouncing Krishna love he offered us some small packets of something. I took them whilst trying to think of something witty to say (like “can I eat your love”, luckily I chose not to say it, not as it’s disgusting, it just isn’t funny).
Upon closer inspection they were small packets of sugar coated nuts. Presumably coated with Krishna love (or spunk, my unsaid comment could have been truer than I’d hoped – If I’d have said it he’d have just laughed inwardly thinking how really I would be eating his love. But I don’t think Krishna’s have it in them (the malice, not the spunk. I’m sure that in the Krishna places of worship they cum like crazy, that’s why they wear loose clothing).
As I was about to pop one of the spunk covered nuts into my mouth (see the trouble my words get me into? I need censoring) it occured to me that this might be a temptation from Christ….
You see, a krishna is a bit like a Christian; fairly crazy with some misguided religous belief that he feels compulsory to pass on to everyone in their path.
If I a Krishan is like a Christian then a sugar nut is like chocolate.
This bastard was actually Jesus (ahaha, the second coming just to give me a nut)
I was nearly sucking on the cum of Jesus.
But I won’t fall for that. You’ll have to try harder JC, and after all, you have miracle power, you could suddenly make everything I touch turn to chocolate, even non choccy foods, I would have to eat chocolate or die.
But you hadn’t thought of that had you?
Until now.
Shit.