Ok, so my body is conspiring against me. One would have thought that making it fit and sleek (and, dare I say it, sexy) would have been just what it wanted.
But no, ever since my mind decided to do some exercise my body has revolted. The uprising began with my ankle. About five weeks ago, whilst helping Oscar move a chest of drawers up the stairs I got it jammed and slammed into my ankle. It really hurt.
I went to the doctor; they told me it was a sprain. This is where the body started to mutiny. He (I presume that the thinking ability of a body is male, it does have a penis) figured that if he could fake the pain in my ankle for long enough then this crazy notion of swimming and gym going will soon pass and we can go back to pubs and sofas.
After my grand total of two swims I have not been back since. My ankle is now hurting so much that even standing up is uncomfortable (it’s ok worriers, I’m going to the Docs again next week).
Some of you weaker people may think that maybe I have actually just damaged myself f. but I know my body better than that, it’s trying to trick me. It’s in collusion with my brain (how else did I forget my swimming shorts last week?) to keep me fat and lazy so that I’ll never manage anything with my life.
It’s only me left against it , though what bit I am, when brain and body are taken out of the equation, and I don’t believe in a soul, I guess I’m the bits of air trapped inside. But I shall win
I will go swimming again
And I will be thin.
And I will beat my body.
I am pathetic