I am sick of being a bystander. I have decided to take an active part in the issues of the day. It’s all well and good to write this diary that is read by the prime ministers and presidents of the world. But is it enough to be someone whose oratories change have the power to change world policy?
So today I officially launch my new campaign “To get the tube carpetedâ€
Not the platforms, that would be silly. But inside the trains need to have deep shag pile along the length of each carriage.
There are easily a hundred reasons I could give for this. But among them is not the fact that this morning I slipped and fell on the tube.
Because that didn’t happen, I did not fall on the slippery shiny uncarpeted rain sodden tube floor and I and definitely did not kick a woman on the way down.
It is also true to say that I did not in sheer embarrassment say sorry in a slightly loud and over excited voice, which was slightly slurred.
So it is unfair to say that some poor woman got kicked from nowhere to only to turn to find some maniacal young man shouting “soor weee†very loudly whilst getting up off the floor.
If this did happen I would use this diary to apologise. But obviously it didn’t, this is all hypothetical.
I’m sorry.
Carpet the tubes so that this thing that didn’t happen will never happen again, not that it did the first time.
Naturally some of you right-wingers will be worried about the wet feet and hands of Londoners would quickly sodden and ruin these carpets and make them smell.
I haven’t thought this far ahead, and like all good politicians I don’t intend to until it’s too late, and by then I’ll be doing something else anyway.
Ah the irony, when I was on the tube and fell over (which I didn’t) I was reading “Down and Out in Paris and London†By George Orwell. Funny.