I need the money. I hate the job but I need the money. So waking up late on a Monday morning isn’t a good start to my week.
They have such a go at me when I’m late. And now I’ve missed the train that definitely gets me there early.
If I can get up, shower and leave in 10 mins I can get the last train to get me there kind of on time.
I dozed off, now I have five minutes to get up, shower and leave. Maybe if I don’t shower…
I am up, but naked. I should have left the house a minute ago. The train is sometimes late though. It’ll be ok.
Somehow, and I think it might have been aliens, I am back in bed trying to think up excuses to why I am late.
I dream about a giraffe, how can that figure?
There is a train at 8:50, it will get me into work at about 9:40, that’s about 40 mins late. I feigned a doctors appointment last week, I’m always late. I might get fired.
Time for some damage limitation.
If I’m sick I can still ring before nine, and not be late at all
Suddenly I am awake. I get up and have tea.
I cannot afford to chuck a sickie, the joys of temping mean I don’t get paid for it and I’m operating on a shoestring as it is.
So I have to justify it to myself, and I also spend half an hour justifying it to Julie as well.
The best way, I figure, to justify today is to make sure I do a large amount of comedy work. If I have some good things in the bag by nightfall then it was not a sick day wasted.
I start by watching Kilroy. Or whatever it’s called now that Nicky Campbell has taken the reigns. Is it me or has he already gotten smugger as he takes the 9.25 slot? He’ll be turning orange next.
And Trisha has a perm…is this her empathising with her Norwich guests – today is a DNA test special. I hate those.
I discover by 11am that I am still at Lis’ house; her and Julie have long left for work. To do some work I should be at home. So it’s time to go.
After this Morning and the news I am out of the door, on the one o’clock train back through London. One o clock? I can already feel the day slipping away. I’d only have had 4hrs of work left had I gone.
I get home. I make some tea and light a joint. Curiously the work is not flowing, so I watch a film, then doze off until 4pm.
I figure if I watch some kids telly then do some work it is ok. But I know in my heart that it’s too late. I would be returning home in half an hour with the same amount of comedy work done ie nothing.
So I have a bath.
And then an early night
Today will not go down in history as the day I did anything great or invented the hoverbath. Though wait a minute…
Hoverbath…
EUREKA!